I could kill my Sociology teacher, absolutely destroy her.
I got such a horrible mark on a test, I’m livid and want to jump off a cliff.
I mean, if I thought I deserved the bad mark, I’d keep my mouth shut, it’s my fault.
But this is ridiculous! Her circumstantial questions and ‘no opinions allowed’ method are horrendous!
If I was making long-shot statements or just purely not making any sense, that would be one thing, but my answers were completely logical, I want to beat her head with a stick.
Someone cheer me up.
Nope, guess it really wasn’t who I thought it was, and I’m so surprisingly disappointed.
Maybe I’m being stupid, but I really miss them, and I find myself checking on them more often than ever. I wish I could just make up my fucking mind.
Not that I have many choices anymore.
I don’t have personal, intimate connections with anyone lately. Not in the ‘talk about serious things’ aspect at least. I miss having someone reliable and comforting.
Also, I had a horrible anxiety attack this morning, first one in weeks, and over absolutely nothing.
I woke up feeling a bit iffy, but tried to just proceed with my day. I was just getting dressed, and suddenly something triggered and I was on the floor breathing heavily and talking myself into calming down. I became about 15-20 minutes late for school while doing this and it only made things worse. I thought my mom was going to yell at me in the car, she doesn’t always understand my anxiety, but she was really calm, and rubbed my back in the car, so I thought I had calmed down.
I get into class, apologize sincerely to Kate, and sit down with the groups we were in discussing a case briefing. I just stared at the window instead of participating, which is unusual for me, I’m very opinionated in that class, and I guess my eyes were watering because when this girl, who is a bit annoying and honestly a little thick, looked at me and said, “Hey.. Niki, are you okay?”
And I lost it, I barreled through the people in my row and went out to the hallway and cried, which was very embarrassing because I hate when people cry at school.
The girl came out a few minutes later, and I probably blushed a thousand shades of red, but she just looked at me and said, “I know what tough days are like, I just wanted to make sure you were okay” and embraced me in the most sincere hug I’ve had in a long, long time.
(I like her a lot more now.)
I took a few minutes to talk myself down and went back in, where Chris, who is always a gentleman, didn’t ask me any specifics, he just looked at me and said, “Cheer up, you’re my smiley girl, I can’t stand to see you mope.”
I also got 40/40 on part 3 of an independent research assignment in my sociology course, which brought up my mood a lot.
I’m in the Waterloo Library now, trying to finish part 4.
It’s peaceful. I need peace.